Wednesday, March 23, 2011

How to Survive a Strip Mall

Have you ever found yourself stuck in one of the worst spots in the United States? Those god-forsaken areas filled with stores that we can all recognize no matter where we are but secretly loathe with a passion? Unfortunately, in the United States (and increasingly the rest of the world), we sometimes can be stuck in these locations for miles. I've been stranded in these areas numerous times, whether it's due to my car breaking down and getting stuck at the shop or simply because I couldn't drive another day without a break and needed to take some time off. So instead of wasting another day by wandering around like a zombie and buying useless crap, try some of these methods and get a much more fulfilling day from American Consumerism.

Live at the movie theater
On one trip, Birdy and I spent nine hours at a movie theater! We packed enough food in her purse to last the full day and watched four movies in their entirety. Our butts were sore as hell at the end of it but we got away with an awesome day on the price of just one movie ticket! It was the perfect rest day to our two days of very stressful driving.

The bookstore is your library
I always find it strange that most bookstores have very comfortable chairs and so many books and nobody just sits down and reads them! Birdy can read through an entire book in a couple hours and I simply enjoy browsing through the latest indie comic. If you're stuck in a strip mall then go ahead and grab yourself a cup of coffee, sit down, and enjoy the read.

Let's get some shoes!
Go through a cliche shopping montage and try on as many clothes as you can. Don't go for what's stylish, instead try on the silliest stuff you can find and snap some photos for an awesome facebook pic!

Game on at the Gamestop
I hate Gamestops. They're all alike wherever you go and the game selections they have are overpriced and dull. Plus it sucks that they keep buying out all the local game stores. On the plus side, they have some great demo centers for trying out the latest games! It's basically a modern arcade without the loss of quarters.

Screw with Walmart
I used to work at Walmart. It was an awful and horrifying experience that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. What I did learn from it though was great ways to screw with the company without really pestering the poor serfs staff. Stuff like switching the price tags on cheap and expensive items, taking off the security tags and placing them in women's purses, or taking as much stuff from one department and moving it to another. See what else you can come up with to screw with the store without getting kicked out by security!

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